What will people think of me? What if I see someone I know there? Members of 12-step programs are glad to have new members and see them not as "losers" but as people ready to do something about their problems. All people have problems; who is in a position to judge another fro seeking a group process-based solution? Twelve-step groups have a tradition of anonymity. If you believe you have something to lose by being seen at the group meeting, remember that so does everyone else attending the meeting. If others are willing to face that risk, why shouldn't you?
If I go, I will be admitting that I have a problem. Meetings are often described as "open" or "closed." The open meetings are open to anyone who wishes to attend, so your presence will not be considered an acknowledgment that you have a problem. You can find out whether a meeting is open or closed by checking for the codes describing the meeting in the relevant directory, or by calling the telephone number of the appropriate group and asking for open meetings.
You have to stop using to go to the meetings. "I want to stop, but I can't," said Ben when asked why he didn't go to a 12-step meeting. "I don't want to embarrass myself by going there 'loaded,' so I'm waiting until I have a clean day to go." If you can relate to Ben's comment, just go to the meeting! You don't have to stop using before you go. You will not be the first person to start attending meetings while under the influence. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop. Once you begin attending meetings, you may well acquire that little extra tool you need to lay "it" down, whatever your "it" may be.
It doesn't work. Actually, research indicates that 12-step programs work better than other forms of treatment most of the time. Yes, it is true that 12-step programs are not for everyone. One of the main reasons "it" does not work for someone is because "it" works only when the someone "works it."
Georgia went lat and left early, when she went to meetings at all. She focused on what was wrong with the meeting and made no effort to read the literature, find a sponsor, or meet anyone in the meeting (after all, they should have introduced themselves to her!). She proved 12-step meetings didn't work for her.
Allen was on the verge of losing everything, and out of fear, he threw himself 100 percent into the process. He went to meetings daily, met people, listened to a guy he could relate to and asked him to be his sponsor, and he read the approved literature. Soon, Allen was helping out before and after the meetings with setup and cleanup, and joining a group after the meeting for coffee. Although he still had all his problems, within two weeks, he began to believe that life would get better, and it did.
The groups are a cult. To qualify as a cult, there must be a leader, usually a charismatic individual. In 12-step groups that are operating in accordance with the model, there are no leaders at all. There are only volunteers who serve the needs of the group for a set period of time. The only paid employees are at the national or international level, and those employees do not govern or have anything to do with the individual groups around the world. There are no requirements or dogma associated with AA.
I am happy with my religion and don't need another one. Excellent! No 12-step group holds itself out to be a religion. In fact, the literature reflects only a spirit of cooperation. The group offers the person suffering from an addiction or compulsion a form of spirituality that should be consistent with any religious program that an individual may choose to follow.
I don't want anyone telling me how to live and what to believe. The Higher Power of "God thing" can be a real turn-off for some people. This issue is so big, in fact, that the founders of AA considered it worthy of an entire chapter in the book Alcoholics Anonymous (familiarly known as the Big Book). In the chapter entitled "We Agnostics," readers are encouraged to consider whether there might be any power greater than themselves. (See "The Bekins Van" for an illustration of the lengths to which some people will go to avoid such reflection. [please see separate web page under "Substance Abuse" for this true story])
I don't need a group. You may not. Although the group process just might teach you a few things about the balance of independence and interdependence, you don't have to open yourself to learning a new way of solving your problems if you do not want to. Many people with addictions or compulsive behaviors grew up in families where they learned that people are not to be trusted. You will never find trustworthy people unless you learn how to open your heart to those who earn your trust.
My drinking/using is situational, not really an addiction or compulsive behavior. If only he/she/they would act right, I wouldn't have to drink/use. You might want to try going to an open meeting. You might learn more about your own behavior if you listen with the intent of seeing how the meeting content might apply to you and not your problematic loved one. Go at least six times before you make a decision that there is nothing there for you. It takes a while for the message of recovery to come through.
the meetings will be depressing, boring, dark, unhappy, etc. Why would anyone want to go to a meeting described by such adjectives, especially when so many of us must go daily to places characterized by those qualities in the course of our professional lives? Recovery meetings are like that only in the minds of the people coming in already feeling depressed, bored, and unhappy. While a few meetings may well be like that, the vast majority are not.
When Marcie finally got up the courage to go to a meeting, she found one held in a church that was on the way home from work. The meeting was listed as a women-only meeting, and she thought she would be more comfortable in such a setting. As she drove into the parking lot of the church, she wasn't sure where to go, so she parked among a collection of other cars and walked in the nearest door. The hallway loomed in both directions, and she again felt panic. Then she heard laughter floating down the hall. She shrank as small as she could make herself, and walked into the well-lit room. There were, maybe, maybe 20 women in there. Many of them noticed her, and said, "Welcome. Come sit here." Marcie felt instantly welcomed, and saw a look on those women's faces that she wanted-that look of joy, calm, and freedom from worry. She wondered how everyone seemed to know right away that she was a newcomer. Only later, after several months of attendance, when another newcomer walked in, did Marcie know how they recognized her as a newcomer. Marcie saw in the newcomer's face what she had felt on walking into that room-fear, shame, the edge of panic, and even some anger. Even later, Marcie was told by newcomers that they saw on her face what they wanted fro themselves, and Marcie realized that, indeed, she did feel the joyousness, serenity, and sense of personal freedom that she had wanted when she first entered the doors of AA.